Mostly Racin' Stuff
By Tom Avenengo
Volume # 235
This week’s photo:
The driver pictured above is the late Nofri "Nick" Fornoro, Sr. He's shown in the Eddie Allen # 18 Offy Midget. He was one of those that went to a "Racing School" to learn how to drive midgets. I can still recall his first ever race, that being at the Hinchliffe Stadium in Paterson, N.J. His competition was those that were attending the "School". Yes, "Nick" won that race.
As many times as I've seen him race, I never really got to meet him until I, along with Pete Kessler, attended an ACOT Banquet, just outside of Middletown N.Y. What was real neat was that "Nick" sat at our table and sat right next to me. As usual, there were some racing "stories" told. It was that night that I had first heard of "Nick" sleeping in the back seat of Pappy Hough's car when they would travel to some race meets, and he would always wear his racing helmet when sleeping. Yes, helmets are worn to protect ones head, and on the back shelf of Pappy's car, well, it was loaded with small parts for the race cars. So, if Pappy had to get on the brakes a little hard, parts would fly off the back seat shelf and land on "Nick".
It wasn't too long after that first meeting when Pete and/or I would take "Nick" to the Auto Shows that were held near Philadelphia. I was always amazed as to just how many of those in attendance knew him, and just had to chat with him. Yes, they were good days, back then.
When they held a Memorial Service for "Nick", I was asked, by his wife, Bette, if I'd read what some had written down about him - not only family members, but friends and race people, too. It wasn't too long after that that I was able to get that paperwork and do an article on the Internet, as to just how he affected all who knew him. The whole thing came out on the Open Wheel Racing web site, and a shorter version did appear in the AARN. I still have it in my computer, so if you think you might like to read it, you can send me an email (address is at the end of my column) and I'll send it out to you via email.
Further on in this week's column is the race winning record of "Nick".
Special from me:
As usual, I always check the weather for down here in Cape Coral, then check it for what it's like "back home" in New York. I kinda found it hard to believe that a few days ago, it was warmer in Montgomery, NY than it was down here. Down here it's been in the low to mid 90's most every day. And, most every day, we do get a thunderstorm or two, usually late in the day. Now Cape Coral is on the West Coast of Florida. Weird how are storms all seem to come from the East.
As I do research for my columns, as far a racing results go, yes, I really do miss going to the races. Yes, we have a track down here - maybe 20 minutes away. No grandstands. Classes have very few cars. Supposedly, grandstands are due. Then again, they've been due since the beginning of the year, too.
This coming Friday, I have an appointment with one of my doctors. This one is a kidney specialist. I'm hoping for some good news. I've been so close to being put on dialysis, and of course I'm hoping that's still not the case.
Here's one I'll miss for sure. Actually, last year, I attended this show with my daughter, Judy. A couple of days later, was when we headed for Florida, and I've been here ever since.
Hinchliffe Stadium race car show is on Sunday, 9/20 this year.
Back in 2006, Dave Despain had a whole show that featured the late Chris Economaki. A good portion is from Hinchliffe Stadium
Chris Economaki from 2006:
I had a little extra time the other day, so I figured I'd check out the Michigan Hall of Fame - one that pertains to race drivers. Way back when I first started going to the Midget races, in the mid 40's, my favorite driver was little Johnny Ritter. He came to this country when he was quite young - coming with his family from Austria. They located in Michigan. I knew Johnny was in that HoF, but figured I'd check it out, once again. They had three photos of him on the website. Two were of him in his # 3 Offy, and a third was his # 3 Outboard - but best I could tell, it wasn't Johnny in the seat. The driver was a little too tall and too thin, from what I could see.
I sent an email to the HoF, which was this:
"Just thought I'd let you folks know - the photo of Johnny Ritter in his # 3 Outboard, well, it isn't Ritter in the seat. I sent the photo to his daughter, and she says it most definitely isn't her father pictured in that # 3 outboard midget. You can notice a difference between the three photos on your article about him - it's him in two photos of the # 3 Offy, for sure.
Cape Coral, Fl"
On Wednesday, I received this from them:
Today at 4:06 PM
Thank You for the information Tom, we will look at it and make the proper corrections. Unfortunately, someone at one time submitted those pictures to us and at this point I surely don't know who that was but we apologize for any errors we may have made.
Yours in Racing,
MMSHoF President "
Found on Jayski:
NASCAR will address throwing of water bottles:
A NASCAR executive said Monday that officials will address the issue of throwing water bottles out of the car with drivers after a water bottle was spotted on the apron during a debris caution in Sunday's Sprint Cup race at New Hampshire Motor Speedway. Another water bottle was spotted on the apron during a caution for Paul Menard later in the race. Steve O'Donnell, NASCAR executive vice president and chief racing development officer, told SiriusXM NASCAR Radio's "The Morning Drive" that it's not uncommon for drivers to discard water bottles during a race. "Coming off pit road sometimes you see it down on the apron where some water bottles are discarded," he said. "I think in this case, we candidly weren't really sure and knew it was potentially one of the drivers' ones that are a little bit different with the material they're made out of. If someone is purposely trying to manipulate a caution, that's not something that is going to be tolerated, and we'll have to look into that further as we go and we'll address that with the teams also."(NBCSports)(7-21-2015)
New Hampshire TV Ratings:
After holding even the previous week, overnight ratings for NASCAR fell by double-digits over the weekend. NASCAR Sprint Cup racing from New Hampshire drew a 2.3 overnight rating on NBCSN Sunday afternoon, down 12% from last year (2.6) and down 23% from 2013 (3.0), both on TNT. The 2.3 is tied for third out of the eight races on cable this year, matching Dover and Pocono but trailing Sonoma (2.4) and Martinsville (2.5). Overnights have now dropped for seven of the eight races on cable, with the previous week's race from Kentucky the lone exception (even). Despite the decline, the race ranked second for the weekend among all sporting events. Only Sunday's British Open coverage on ESPN drew a higher overnight (2.6).(Sports Media Watch), see race-by-race ratings, 5-year comparsion chart and more on the 2015 TV Ratings page.(7-21-2015)
Toyota talking to additional teams:
David Wilson, president of Toyota Racing Development, told NASCAR Talk on Sunday that the manufacturer does not have any deals with additional teams for next season but is "talking to a couple of teams." #78-Furniture Row Racing team owner Barney Visser has expressed interest in switching manufacturers after this season. "We'd definitely be open to (adding Furniture Row)," Wilson said before Sunday's Sprint Cup race at New Hampshire Motor Speedway. "I'd said consistently, particularly with this new Chase format, we could use a couple more quality cars. It's not about numbers. We've got to have quality. We could expand as early as next year if the circumstances present themselves." Wilson said Toyota likely would need to decide by mid-September if it wanted to add a team for next season but added the manufacturer also was considering deals that would begin in 2017. "Because (every team) is structured differently, some of it is looking out at 2017," he said. "The challenge (is) we have this stable of young drivers, and we need to make sure we can keep Toyotas underneath them. It's not good enough to look at just one year out. You need to look at three to five years out and try to position yourself as best you can."(NBC Sports)(7-20-2015)
From Track Forum:
Note: As of Wednesday, around noon time, this thread was up to 7 pages.
From the Dirt Track Digest Forum:
Drivers can you help me, help another young driver with cancer
Drivers at any track:
I'm trying to organize a hero card drive (or anything relevant you'd want to donate) for a young man that is battling cancer. So far I have had the help of numerous drivers at CMP (thank you Shawn Greene for helping me with this) and Shayne Tenace will be reaching out to the Go Nuclear guys on Aug 2nd.
All I really need is a signed hero card and if you could personally address it to Jeramiah Green with anything uplifting you'd like to say. Send me a PM and I'll shoot you my address to send to.
This is the story of Jeramiah Green. Jeramiah is 11 years old and drives a mini- sprint. He hails from Tuttle, Ok. Jeramiah has cancer and was diagnosed when he was just 8 months old. He has been through 190 surgeries in his short 11 year life thus far. He had regular rounds of Chemo. I have talked with him and he is fine respectable young man. I simply think we can do something as drivers to help out a fellow driver, a young man facing a mountain of a battle. For a day we can show him we care and put a smile on his face. I have talked with his mother about the whole idea and his mom loved it and said that Jeramiah will be amazed and so happy. So guys please help and let's make this happen.
You can find Jeramiah and the family racing page on Facebook as well at "team green racing OKC".
I'd like to humbly thank you all for helping with this effort. Together we can put a smile on this young fellow racers face and help him through another day fighting this terrible disease. If you're so inclined please join me as well with praying for Jeramiah.
From the AARN:
Friesen Wins DIRTcar Mod Thriller With Last Turn, Last Lap Pass Of Pat Ward
Szegedy Wins NWMT Loudon Thriller; ‘Big One’ Takes Heavy Toll
Shane Stewart Sweeps Eldora WoO Kings Royal Marathon Weekend
Zacharias Wins Chemung Modified Feature With Broken Wrist
Syracuse Drops Friday Night Qualifying Under The Lights; Harpell Moves FMP Mod Race To Friday, Ends I-88 Stalemate
Danny Dietrich Goes Two For Two In PA 410s; Brother Billy Wins At Dog Hollow Too
Noted Long Island Modified Driver Chris Young Dies
Jared Miley Goes Three-For-Three In Western PA Super Late Models
Matt Depew – Who? – Wins First Malta Mod Main
PA’s Bradford County Speedway Set To Reopen This Weekend
NYs Shangri-La II Cancels Last Weekend’s Race, Closes
Stevie Smith Stays Red Hot In Williams Grove 410s
And more from this week's issue:
Friday night racing dropped at 'cuse for SDW schedule.
5 Mile will race the Modifieds on Friday, October 9th. Sportsman will run on Saturday, the 10th. There will be no conflict with the I-88 Speedway, now.
The ARDC drew a total of 15 cars at Big Diamond.
Note: Anymore, with few exceptions, this seems to be the "norm" for midgets today. I guess the days of 30-40 midgets showing up for a show are long gone?
Will we see more of this? Shangri-La II has cancelled the remainder of its weekly schedule racing for 2016, except for some occasional "Special" shows.
Rich Ricci, Jr. is about to undergo surgery on one of his shoulders, so that will just about end it for him as far as racing this year goes.
Matt Janiak has left the Sportsman class at OCFS and has moved up to the 358 & Modified classes.
Kenny Wallace s about to run his last race. He'll be retiring after he races in the Xfinity race at the Iowa Speedway on August 1st.
Former OVRP Dirt Oval racers:
Here's one I missed last week:
July 9: Mohawk International Raceway
25. 1 Tyler Dippel Walkill, N.Y.
Brian Sobus was 13th in the Super Modified feature at Oswego.
Rich Coons won the 358/Sportsman feature at Bethel. Kyle Redner was 6th.
JB Morris was 4th and Joe Morris 14th in the 4 Cyl Advanced feature.
Kolby Schroder was 2nd, Tyler Dippel 7th and Kyle Armstrong 15th in the Modified feature at Lebanon Valley.
John Virgilio won the Sportsman feature with Matt Pappa 3rd and Bobby Hackel, IV 9th.
A.J. Filbeck was 22nd in the Sportsman feature at U/R.
Danny Bouc (Didn't he run at the Dirt Oval on occasion?) was 22nd in the Modified feature at Grandview.
A.J. Filbeck was 4th in the Sportsman feature at Glen Ridge.
Tyler Dippel was 17th, Alex Bell 18th and Bobby Hackel IV 25th in the Modified feature at A/S.
Hunter Bates was 2nd in the Sportsman feature.
At 5 Mile, in the SDS race, Anthony Perrego was 22nd and Tyler Dippel 24th. Brad Szulewski was 22nd in the Sportsman feature.
Jacob Hendershot was 3rd in the 270 Micro Feature at Hamlin.
Davie Franek was 5th in the URC feature at Susquehanna. He was 17th in the 410 feature.
Cody Bleu was 2nd in the Sportsman feature at Fonda.
Joey Bruning was 2nd and Winter Mead 10th in the Spec Sportsman feature at Accord.
Kenney Johnson was 9th in the USAC DMA Midget feature at Bear Ridge.
Mike Kolka won the Modified feature at OCFS. Tim HIndley was 8th, L.J. Lombardo 9th, Matt Janiak 11th, Billy V 15th, Mike Ruggiero 17th and Anthony Perrego 23rd .
Tim HIndley was 2nd, Tom Hindley 6th, Matt Janiak 8th, L. J. Lombardo 9th and Billy V 10th in the Small Block feature.
Matt Hitchcock was 4th, Doc Young 12th, Joe Conklin 13th, Anthony Falanga 15th, Joey Falanga 17th, Zack Vavricka 18th, and Joey Bruning 22nd, in the 1st Sportsman feature.
Hitchcock was 2nd, Young was 11th, Conklin 12th, Joey Falanga 14th, Anthony Falanga 15th, Zack 17th and Joey Bruning a DNS in the second Sportsman feature.
In the Rookie Sportsman feature I see a Chris Azzarito was 15th. Somehow that name rings a bell from OVRP.
Jimmy Johnson was 3rd in the Vintage Modified race.
I see where Brandon Finley was 6th and 8th in the Sportsman features. Not positive if he ran at the Dirt Oval, or not. Same for Jared Labagh, who was 5th and 4th in the Sportsman features. And Dominick Roselli, Jr. who placed 23rd and 7th in the two Sportsman features.
Hope I didn't miss anyone!
Note: While on the subject of former OVRP Dirt Oval racers, here's an article on Tyler Dippel:
Wallkill native's early success turning heads
Midget Racing from "Back in the Day":
The racing win record for Nofri "Nick" Fornoro, Sr. follows:
Special thanks to John DaDalt for what follows!
Nick Fornoro win record – from John DaDalt:
Hi Tom, here are
the feature wins that I have recorded for Nick Fornoro.
1948:Aug. 16 50 laps Bridgeport, CT Candlelite Stadium
Aug. 31 Pittston, PA Bone Stadium
1949: ARDC 5th in points
July 23 Danbury, CT Danbury Fair Speedway
July 27 Menands, NY Empire Raceway
July 31 Avon, CT Cherry Park Speedway
Aug. 3 Menands, NY Empire Raceway
Jacket Speedway; Philadelphia, PA- 8/22
Freeport Stadium; Freeport, NY- 6/3 8/26 9/9 9/16
Bone Stadium; Pittston, PA- 8/9
Veteran's Stadium; Bayonne, NJ- 8/1
1950: ARDC Champion
May 30 Seekonk, MA Seekonk Speedway
July ? Belmar, NJ Wall Stadium 2 wins (from Crocky Wright book)
Aug. 17 Freeport, NY Freeport Stadium
Sept. 2 West Springfield, MA Century Stadium
1951: ARDC 5th in points
1952: ARDC 2nd in points
Crocky Wright book lists wins at Bloomsburg, PA, Jersey City, NJ, Norfolk, VA, Rhinebeck, NY and Altamont, NY
Won a TQ race at Teaneck, NJ Teaneck Armory on Feb. 16
1953: NASCAR midgets-Champion
June 27 and Sept. 7 Belmar, NJ Wall Stadium
July 10 Richmond, VA Royall Speedway
July 12 Wilmington, DE Wilmington Speedway
URC Sprints- 4th in points
June 7 Lonsdale, RI Lonsdale Arena
Aug. 23 Canandaigua, NY Canandaigua Speedway
Sept 27 Old Bridge, NJ Old Bridge Speedway
Oct. 11 Langhorne, PA Langhorne Speedway
1953: TQ win at Kingsbridge Armory; Bronx, NY- 3/7
1955: ARDC 3rd in points
Sept. 22 West Springfiedl, MA Eastern States Exposition (different track than
2 other wins at Allentown, PA (Dorney Park) and Manassas, VA (Old Dominion)
July 8 Manassas, VA Old Dominion Speedway
Won race at Old Dominion and retired from racing
31 midget wins
2 TQ wins
4 Sprint Car wins
As you might recall, a few weeks ago, there was a Modified race scheduled for Rolling Wheels. There were some drivers (DIRTcar) that "could have" competed, but if they did, there were some certain things the could/might lose.
Now, comes late October. For OCFS, and their Eastern States Weekend, there's this: ESW dates: Friday, 10/23, Saturday, 10/24 & Sunday, 10/25
Per DIRTcar, and what they have scheduled for almost the exact dates:
Contact: Tom Herzig
DIRTcar Racing PR
802-249-2850 | email@example.com
Friesen snatches win from Ward at Five Mile Point
Earns $6,000 and 1st 2015 Super DIRTcar Series victory with final turn pass
KIRKWOOD, N.Y. July 15, 2015 Stewart Friesen of Sprakers, N.Y. slipped under Pat Ward exiting the fourth turn on the final lap to win the Super DIRTcar Series Greatest Drivers 65 by half a car-length at Five Mile Point Speedway Wednesday.
Friesen had stalked Ward, who was looking for his first Big-Block Modified Series points-race win since 2005, from the halfway mark. He twice managed to lead a lap by inches before Ward seemed to have pulled ahead enough to secure the win with his high-side line.
It was awesome, Friesen said. I just had a great car and I got good forward bite driving off the corner. You can always go side by side with Pat. I didnt want to get into him. I'm thrilled for Mike (car owner Payne). He never gave up on this series.
Friesen, a former Five Mile Point Speedway champion and a member of the tracks 65 Greatest Drivers all-time list, earned $6,000 for his first Super DIRTcar Series win of the season. He started ninth on the grid in the Honeoye Auto Parts No. 7z. He took over second from Larry Wight on lap 35 and the duel with Ward including four restarts, was on.
I was trying to win the race and I went into the third turn too hard, got loose and the let the other guy go by me, Ward shrugged. Were getting better and better every race, but I should have had this one.
Danny Johnson, who ran in the top five throughout, finished third ahead of Tim Fuller and Billy Pauch Jr. after a lengthy hard-fought battle. Brett Hearn surged late after being spun out and pitting for a tire to finish 6th. Positions 7-10 went to Jimmy Phelps, Wight, pole sitter Mike Mahaney and Peter Britten.
Matt Sheppard and Billy Decker placed 11th and 12th respectively and are now, unofficially, tied atop the Series standings. Sheppard had to pit for a tire himself. Decker struggled much of the night before rallying late in the race.
The racing at the front was superlative from start to finish, while deeper in the field, there was enough contact on the quarter-mile bullring to require 10 yellows in all.
Earlier, Mahaney had won the Pole Position Raceway Fast Time Award and then drew the pole in the Dig Safely NY redraw.
Wight, Fuller and multi-time Grandview Speedway champion Duane Howard won the qualifying heats.
The Super DIRTcar Series travels north of the border to Autodrome Drummond in Drummondville, QC, Monday, July 20 and moves to Autodrome Granby in Granby, QC Tuesday, July 21.
Greatest Drivers "65"
A-Main (65 laps): start in (*)
1. 7z Stewart Friesen Sprakers, NY (9)
2. 42p Pat Ward - Genoa, N.Y. (2)
3. 27j Danny Johnson Rochester, N.Y. (5)
4. 19 Tim Fuller Edwards, N.Y. (6)
5. 15 Billy Pauch Jr. Frenchtown, N.J. (7)
6. 20 Brett Hearn Sussex, NJ (18)
7. 98h Jimmy Phelps - Baldwinsville, N.Y. (10)
15 Billy Pauch Jr. Frenchtown, N.J. (7)
8. 99L Larry Wight- Phoenix, N.Y. (8)
9. 33 Mike Mahaney King Ferry, N.Y. (1)
10. 21a Peter Britten - Brisbane, Queensland, Australia (11)
11. 9h Matt Sheppard - Waterloo, N.Y. (12)
12. 91 Billy Decker - Unadilla, N.Y. (24)
13. 21R Erick Rudolph - Ransomville N. Y. (17)
14. 43 Keith Flach - Ravena, N.Y. (16)
15. 16x Danny Creeden Wurstboro, NY (15)
16. 3 Mark Kislowski Ballston Spa, N.Y. (13)
17. 5* Tyler Siri Horseheads, N.Y. (21)
18. 29 Chris Ostrowsky (23)
19. 63 Adam Roberts Watertown, N.Y. (26)
20. 8 Rich Scagliotta Bound Brook, N. J. (13)
21. 48T Dave Rauscher Waterloo, N.Y. (25)
22. 55 Anthony Perrego Montgomery, N.Y. (19)
23. 2R Ronnie Johnson Duanesburg, NY (22)
24. 1 Tyler Dippel Wallkill, NY (3)
25. 14h Jeff Hoetzler Wallkill, N.Y. (14)
26. 66 Duane Howard Olney, PA (4)
Qualifying Heats (10 laps, top 5 transfer, top 4 redraw)
Heat 1: Howard, Mahaney, D Johnson, Phelps, Kislowski, Flach, Perrego, R Johnson, Rauscher
Heat 2: Wight, Friesen, Ward, Britten, Hoetzler Rudolph, Scagliotta, Ostrowsky, Roberts
Heat 3: Fuller, Pauch Jr., Sheppard, Dippel, Creeden, Hearn, Siri, Decker
Orange County Fair
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
TWO NIGHTS OF STOCK CAR RACING ON TAP DURING THE
175TH ANNUAL ORANGE COUNTY FAIR
MIDDLETOWN, NY (July 19)……..Two evenings of stock car racing on the five-eighths-mile Hard Clay speedway will be run during the175th Annual Orange County Fair in Middletown, New York.
First up on Saturday, July 25, Ultimate Restoration LLC and Middletown Collision present a five-division stock car racing program anchored by the Small-Block Modifieds competing for the top prize in a 25-lap feature race. Also on the card are the Sportsman, Rookie Sportsman, Street Stock and Four-Cylinder divisions in qualifying and feature event races. (Note: The Big-Block Modifieds will not be in action on July 25.)
Saturday, August 1 the Big-Block Modifieds, Sportsman, Rookie Sportsman, Street Stocks and Thunder Trucks return to action on the historic speedway. Two Big-Block Modified features are on tap, with the opening race the 30-lap Modified feature postponed from May 16.Pine Bush Equipment and McGannon Excavating are the night’s sponsors.
Speedway admission prices during Fair events are $14 adults, $1.00 children under 12 with advance purchase tickets including Fair admission. Racing begins promptly at 6:30 pm. Fair admission applies to same day speedway attendance. Advance Speedway tickets must be purchased at least one day prior to the scheduled race meet to include Fair admission.
Tickets purchased on the day of the event are $12.00 plus Fair admission.
Ticket prices, starting times, and other important information for the Orange County Fair are available atwww.orangecountyfair.com/entertainment/grandstand.
Advance ticket sales and track information for all remaining Orange County Fair Speedway race dates, including the 54th Annual Eastern States Weekend, can be found at the Orange County website, www.orangecountyfairspeedway.net, or from the Track Office. Call 845-342-2573 during business hours.
The future of auto racing on the New York State Fairgrounds mile in Syracuse, N.Y., might be on life support, but it’s not dead.
A comment made by Acting Fair Director Troy Waffner during a recent Syracuse Channel 9 interview appeared to tell viewers that the frontstretch main grandstand was going to be officially torn down.
That, however, is not the case – at least not yet.
“I said it was publicly known that the grandstand was coming down,” said Waffner in an AARN interview last Thursday.
“What I should have said was that it is publicly known that this is the last year paid grandstand-style concerts will be held at the fairgrounds.”
In promoting this year’s New York State Fair, which will be held August 27 through Labor Day, September 7, the Fair is holding a series of “Throwback” events in front of the grandstand which feature lower ticket prices. These will be the last paid concerts held in front of the grandstand. The Fair and Onondaga County had already announced plans to move all concerts to the new amphitheater on Onondaga Lake next year when that project is completed.
“No decision has been made one way or
the other regarding the race track or the grandstand,” said
Waffner. “We’re still in the middle of the master plan process. The God’s
honest truth is the plan changes every day.”
October’s Super DIRT Week will go on as scheduled this year. Race fans hope it will continue for much longer. Waffner gives us in motorsports some hope that the “Moody Mile” or a smaller sized version could continue for years to come.
He said that while New York State has granted them $50 million for renovations, that money is expected to fall short in building everything that had been originally envisioned.
“$50 million sounds like a lot,” said Waffner, “but it’s not a lot of money when you start building. We’re trying to figure out what we can do for the money.”
Look for an official announcement to come at the fair when political officials, such as the governor of New York, could be part of the presentation. Waffner told AARN a draft of the master plan could be released in advance to allow for public opinion. He expected the building time line and final rendering to be released on the first day of the fair.
“We’re definitely hoping to have a plan by the fair,” Waffner finalized.
Trivia question - from last week:
Trivia question answer: Ted Horn
Brad James - Past The Point Of Rescue
Will do 'everything possible' to stop Iran deal: U.S. House speaker
This week's joke:
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Until my next column – next week
Columns are available on the Dirt Track Digest at: http://www.dirttrackdigest.com/ at Contributing Columnists
Just in case anyone wants to contact me. My email is: firstname.lastname@example.org